Arcade Fighting Games That Led to Two Disappointing Films Each But Could Be Potentially Rebooted in the Near Future

12 06 2010

If you took the time to read that whole title, you might be thinking that there can’t be too many perfect fits for that description. I can only think of two. Here they are.

STREET FIGHTER


THE GAME

Released in arcades in 1987, Street Fighter wasn’t the first side-view, one-on-one fighting game, but it was pretty much the first one that was any good. The game revolves around Ryu, a Japanese fighter who competes in an international martial arts tournament (presumably just because he can), and Ken, Ryu’s friend, rival, and carbon copy. As one of the two, the player fights 10 other martial artists, ending with a big burly man named Sagat, who, upon his defeat, announces the player as the “strongest Street Fighter in the world.”

Sagat is roughly 90% muscle, and 48% balls.

Apparently, the world didn’t get that memo, as a sequel, Street Fighter II: The World Warrior, was released in 1991. Read the rest of this entry »





————THAT ONE MOVIE REVIEW———— —-Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time—-

4 06 2010

EDIT: After months of inactivity, I came back and realized this particular article was pretty much crap. You can still read the whole thing by clicking the link below, but I wouldn’t recommend it.

I saw Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time the other day. Being a fan of the video game series who’s played and loved the big three (The Sands of Time, Warrior Within, and The Two Thrones) I came to the theater with some measure of anticipation, but also having heard some less than favorable reviews of the film beforehand, I didn’t go in with too much optimism. This review does contain SPOILERS for both the film and the games, so if you’ve not seen/played them but you plan to, be forewarned.

If you feel like punishing yourself, click here to read the whole damn thing.





Underrated Teen Comedies

19 05 2010

At the risk of looking like some sort of one-trick pony, I’m gonna talk about movies some more. Deal with it. Specifically, this post deals with movies that those old people you call Mom and Dad probably don’t appreciate as much as they should. You see, some of those teen comedies we’re all so fond of are more than just dick jokes. They’re about growing up, finding love, and dick jokes. You just have to look past the immaturity at movies like…

#5 American Pie

AT FIRST GLANCE:

For the six people in the world who haven’t seen American Pie, it’s about 4 high school seniors who make a pact to lose their virginity before graduation, showcasing the fact that sex is priority one for us teenage boys. Which, of course, is true. And the titular pie? Jason Biggs puts his penis in it.

 

“Now son, I’m going to sit here while you eat the whole thing.”

DIGGING DEEPER:

The reason American Pie is so low on this list is that, by now, it’s really not too underrated anymore. It’s pretty much a mainstream film and there’s not too much to say about it that you haven’t already heard. Read the rest of this entry »





5 Recent Movies That Are Shameless Rip-Offs

9 03 2010

So I was watching TV earlier (something I do a lot) and I got to thinking (something I don’t do a lot): there are too many movies these days that are simply unabashed regurgitations of things we’ve already seen. I understand that some films are bound to appear similar, but some of these are just ridiculous. Such as….

THIS RIP-OFF

17 Again (2009), about a man who is transformed into a 17-year-old Disney star.

WHICH RIPPED OFF


Seventeen Again (2000), about a woman who is transformed into a 17-year-old Disney star. Also, her ex-husband becomes a 17-year-old unknown actor.

Seventeen Again, if I remember correctly (and I probably don’t), was a pretty good movie, starring everyone’s favorite “Sister, Sisters” and “Smart Guy.” However, 17 Again, which I’ve never seen, was just a god-awful bastardization of the original. The acting was terrible, the writing shoddy, and the special effects probably not used very much at all. This isn’t too surprising, since nothing DJ Zacky Eff here has ever been in could be any good, except for that one episode of Firefly.  But I might –I MIGHT- have forgiven the makers of 17 Again for all of that if they had at least tried for some semblance of originality (the only hint of which is in the fact that the newer movie, made almost a decade later, actually takes a step backwards civil-rights-wise, replacing the predominantly black cast with a 99% white one), but no, they couldn’t even change the title. Actually, I still wouldn’t have forgiven the moviemakers. They suck. All in all, this whole debacle is just one more addition to the list of “Reasons to Hate Zac Efron.”

Reasons 1 - 3

But that’s not all. There’s also…

Read the rest of this entry »