5 Recent Movies That Are Shameless Rip-Offs

9 03 2010

So I was watching TV earlier (something I do a lot) and I got to thinking (something I don’t do a lot): there are too many movies these days that are simply unabashed regurgitations of things we’ve already seen. I understand that some films are bound to appear similar, but some of these are just ridiculous. Such as….

THIS RIP-OFF

17 Again (2009), about a man who is transformed into a 17-year-old Disney star.

WHICH RIPPED OFF


Seventeen Again (2000), about a woman who is transformed into a 17-year-old Disney star. Also, her ex-husband becomes a 17-year-old unknown actor.

Seventeen Again, if I remember correctly (and I probably don’t), was a pretty good movie, starring everyone’s favorite “Sister, Sisters” and “Smart Guy.” However, 17 Again, which I’ve never seen, was just a god-awful bastardization of the original. The acting was terrible, the writing shoddy, and the special effects probably not used very much at all. This isn’t too surprising, since nothing DJ Zacky Eff here has ever been in could be any good, except for that one episode of Firefly.  But I might –I MIGHT- have forgiven the makers of 17 Again for all of that if they had at least tried for some semblance of originality (the only hint of which is in the fact that the newer movie, made almost a decade later, actually takes a step backwards civil-rights-wise, replacing the predominantly black cast with a 99% white one), but no, they couldn’t even change the title. Actually, I still wouldn’t have forgiven the moviemakers. They suck. All in all, this whole debacle is just one more addition to the list of “Reasons to Hate Zac Efron.”

Reasons 1 - 3

But that’s not all. There’s also…

THIS RIP OFF


Brothers (2009), about two brothers, one of whom is shot down in Afghanistan, and presumed dead. The other steps in to comfort the grieving widow, with whom he shares a romantic moment, but as it turns out, his brother’s still alive! Awkwardness ensues.

WHICH RIPPED OFF


Pearl Harbor (2001), about two friends, one of whom is shot down during WWII and presumed dead.  The other steps in to comfort his friend’s grieving girlfriend, with whom he begins a romantic relationship, but as it turns out, his friend’s still alive! More awkwardness

I haven’t seen Brothers, and it’s been quite some time since I’ve seen Pearl Harbor, but if this video is any indication, the latter sucked.

Because of this, I’m not all that upset with Brothers’ rip-offiness. What does bother me is the fact that, in Brothers, Tobey Maguire is married to Natalie Portman. And they have two kids. And the kids aren’t twins.

That's right. He hit that. Twice.

Sorry, but I’m only willing to suspend my disbelief so far, and that premise is far too unrealistic. In fact, it’s almost as unbelievable as…

THIS RIP-OFF


Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (2009), some movie with Matthew McConaughey.

WHICH RIPPED OFF

Fool’s Gold (2008), some other movie with Matthew McConaughey.

Honestly, when Matthew McConaughey is cast in more than one movie within a span of anything less than a decade, someone messed up. Other than that, they’re both just equally terrible movies… I assume.

Still, it’s a less obvious rip-off than…

THIS RIP-OFF

Fast & Furious (2009), about Paul Walker as an FBI agent infiltrating the underground L.A. street racing scene with his own racing skills, working closely with Vin Diesel’s character, another elite street racer, and showing feelings for Vin’s sister, as portrayed by Jordana Brewster.

WHICH RIPPED OFF


The Fast and the Furious (2001), about Paul Walker as a cop infiltrating the underground L.A. street racing scene with his own racing skills, working closely with Vin Diesel’s character, another elite street racer, and showing feelings for Vin’s sister, as portrayed by Jordana Brewster.

See? He was a cop the first time around, so it’s different. Oh, Hollywood, you’re so clever. Seriously though, same premise, same characters, same actors playing the same characters. Fast & Furious is practically the same movie, sans a couple articles and featuring a shiny new ampersand. It’s almost as if the two movies are related somehow. Huh? What the hell is a sequel?

Anywho, last, but not least, we have…

THIS RIP-OFF


Repo Men (2010), about a future in which a huge corporation sells artificial organs, allowing those in need to prolong their lives. If these people can’t keep up with their payments, however, the company sends out a skilled assassin known as a “Repo Man” to take back those pricy organs. One of the repo men has a personal problem that sets him at odds with the corporation, and he must fight back to survive.

WHICH RIPPED OFF

Repo! The Genetic Opera (2008), about a future in which a huge corporation sells artificial organs, allowing those in need to prolong their lives. If these people can’t keep up with their payments, however, the company sends out a skilled assassin known as a “Repo Man” to take back those pricy organs. One of the repo men has a personal problem that sets him at odds with the corporation, and he must fight back to survive. Also, everybody sings.

Alright, this shit’s getting ridiculous. Repo! is still practically a new movie. But that doesn’t stop Repo Men from coming along, grabbing that musical by its haunches, humping it into submission, stealing its plot, and then leaving, never to call again… cinematically speaking, of course. Here I was, thinking that, if anything, music gets added to a story, not taken away. But Miguel Sapochnik did just that. No, I’ve never heard of him either. Repo! was pretty good for an indie-rock opera-cult classic, but even if it wasn’t, I stand by my belief that there’s simply no room for improvement on a movie that rips Paris Hilton’s face off of her face. Yes, I said that. And yes, here it is.

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2 responses

9 03 2010
superstarfantasyblog

I’m slightly concerned about the poster for Brothers. Am I the only one who thinks that Tobey Maguire’s back is probably pretty gross?

10 03 2010
thatoneblog

No, you’re not the only one. And you should be more than slightly concerned.

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